


Regret | Book 2

by Adorkable757



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Angst, Multi, Reverse Harem, Sequel, Violence, romance and fluff sometimes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-12-14 16:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11787420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adorkable757/pseuds/Adorkable757
Summary: "He tried to name which of the deadly seven might apply, and when he failed he decided to append an eighth, regret." Rebellion has broken out as various forces race for control of the crown and kingdom.  With the Queen dead and the kingdom burning in chaos, one will have to emerge from the ashes to claim the crown. Will the new ruler mark the beginning of a new era or the continuation of years of discrimination and enslavement?





	1. Chapter 1

Shots. Explosions. Screaming.

The noises amplify as the seconds pass. The seriousness of the situation hits me like a speeding train and I feel my feet freeze to ground as it tries to give my mind a chance to catch up with its surroundings.

“June! Come on we have to go!”

“June!?”

“Grab her we need to get out _now_ ,” Kris shouts as a tremor shakes the entire castle around us. Debris falls from the ceiling. I cover my eyes to keep it from blinding me.

Kyungsoo’s unmistakable hand wraps around my wrist. “Come,” he calls over the growing noises. I look around at the equally frazzled faces of the Charmers standing near me before compelling my head to move and giving him a nod and forcing my feet to start taking steps forward.

“This way,” Kris’s voice cuts through the hellish noises around us as he directs us out of the room. He glances around the around the area, once twice – then he sprints down the hallway. Everyone stares forward in disbelief. Did he leave us? Do we follow him?

Tao turns around to face me with wide eyes – and then his face changes. A shrug and a mouthed ‘it’ll be fine’ and he turns back around. “Wait! Kris what’s going on!” Tao yells and sprints off behind him. One by one everyone’s senses come back and they take off in the direction that Kris and Tao have gone. Kyungsoo pulls me along while I try to make sense of the chaos around us.

Bodies lying on the ground. Male.

Mostly humans.

Blood sits atop the -once pristine and clean- surface of the floor, reflecting everything that passes like a calm pond despite the disordered way it paints the rooms. Wild tracks of red are smeared along the floor, the walls, on bodies as clear signs of people trying to fight back, trying to escape - failing to keep their lives.

A few Gaia bodies are strewn around the place. None of which look familiar. I cringe and turn my attention back to focusing on where the hell we’re being led. On where I’m being pulled.

Another violent tremor shakes the castle, and causes everyone to pause. We should have kept moving. The second we take to pause is the second an explosion from our left breaks an enormous hole into the wall. It tosses everyone standing to the ground, and then everyone on the ground to various other places. The wave of energy throws me back into a wall, I lose sight of everyone around me as smoke pours in through the large hole.

It’s the middle of the night and yet somehow light streams into the castle through the smoke as if it were day. Coughing up smoke and dust, I squint towards the hole to see why it’s so bright. The smoke lessens only slightly and I can finally make out the sources of the light.

Fire. Lights from explosions of power. A full-on war is happening right outside our door. Sweat begins to bead on my face from the heat.

I try to stand back up on my feet so that I can go back to following the guys. I don’t want to be left too far behind - not if they plan on coming back for me if I’m lost.

But I don’t see them when I look around. Shit. Shit, _shit_ _._

Scrambling to my feet I look around for a sign of them. _Any_ of them. It takes a second to find my voice, but once I do I call out as loud as I can. “Kris!? Sehun!? Chanyeol!? Jongin!? Fuck… _fuck_! Kyungsoo!?” no matter what I try it feels as though my voice is swallowed by the booms of noise outside. I can barely hear myself above the horrific sounds nearby. Panic seeps in only at the fear of one of the Charmers having been injured amid the explosion. What if someone is hurt and we can’t hear them over the blasts?

A groan sounds at my side (how the fuck I can hear it? I don’t even fucking know) and I immediately look for its source. The voice groans tiredly near the wall that collapsed inwards, and I can make out a body covered in parts of the collapsed debris. It takes more energy getting on my feet in these seconds than I’ve ever had to use, and I waste even more limping over to the body. I don’t know whether its blessing or horrifying that it begins to look more and more familiar the closer I get. My stomach drops straight into my ass.

“Baekhyun? Baekhyun is that you!? Are you okay!?” I fall to my knees in front of the pile of rubble covering the injured Charmer, and try my hardest to ignore the pain in my limbs - after having been thrown across the room thanks to the fucking _explosion_. Baekhyun wheezes out a cough and nods weakly to the question. “Hold on, I’m...I’m gonna get you out. I’ll get you out.” I grab at the large pieces of the wall and use all of my remaining strength trying to pull them off of his body. My arms strain and it gets harder and harder with the unhealthy amount of smoke gradually filling my lungs.

“Just go on, go find the others and get out,” he rasps.

I shake my head angrily and continue clawing at the _fucking_ parts keeping him stuck to the ground. “ _No_. I’m not leaving you Baekhyun,” I say through clenched teeth as I tug on a particularly large part of the wall. He yells out in pain as the structure budges only slightly, but digs deeper into his skin.

I’m not strong enough to get this off him without hurting him more in the process.

I don’t know what to do.

Don’t panic. _You can’t panic. You have to help Baekhyun and you both have to get out before the entire place falls to the ground._

The ground shakes deeply as if it’s sending out a final warning.

I look around us in worry. Where is everyone? Where did they go? The shooting and explosions from outside gets closer, louder and yet we’re stuck here with no one around to help us. Another tremor rocks the palace and I lose my balance and fall face flat on the ground beside Baekhyun’s shoulder. A piece of rock scrapes my cheek and I hiss.

“Get _out_!” he yells.

“ _No_!” I shout back at him. I push myself onto my knees and link my arms under his armpits to pull his body - he shouts in in pain, and I immediately stop. His hand grips my wrist. I look down to see him looking up at me with tears in his eyes. Silently trying to tell me to leave. I shake my head again and squeeze the top of his hand. “I’m _not_ leaving you. You can’t say anything that will make me. I’m going to get you out and we’re _both_ going to get out of here. Do you hear me?”

I summon all of my wits, all of my strength, and tighten my hold around his shoulders. I just need to get that huge rock off of him. He’ll live even if it hurts. If I can get that one off him, then we can get the smaller ones off and find somewhere to hide.

Just get the large rock off him.

_Just get the large rock off him._

I close my eyes and breath out slowly. The large rock. The large rock. Lift the large rock up. When I open my eyes, dark green vines are wrapped around the gray structure and pulling it into the air.

I stare up in disbelief.

“What the _fuck_ …” Baekhyun wheezes. Oh shit, Baekhyun. Scrambling to regain my grip, I drag his body from under the… _floating_ _vine_ - _covered_ rock. As soon as we’re safely away, the vines retreat and the rock falls and breaks into pieces - shaking the ground. “Did _you_ do that!? Holy shit did _you_ _do_ that!?”

I blink dumbly at the hole in the wall and then to Baekhyun who seems to be in awe. In awe, and completely unaware of how injured his body is. “Bae-Baek…your legs,” I pat his shoulder in panic at the sight of his injuries. Blood is seeping into the material of his shirt from a gash at his hip that’s ripped the top of his jeans. The rest of his pants are nearly in fucking shreds, it’s hard to tell with all of the blood covered dust covering him. I don’t know what’s what was left of his pants and what might just be blood covered…wall sticking to him.

He blinks twice and looks at his lower body, letting out a quiet “Oh.”

“Oh!? Your fucking legs are in shreds and all you can say is … _oh_!?”

“They aren’t _shredded_.” One of his legs twitches and he nods. “See, I can move them.”

“Can you stand?” he snorts; whether as a no or as a yes, I have no fucking clue. “I can’t believe this,” I mumble to myself. “We need to hide until someone comes to rescue us.”

“Where are the rest of the guys?”

“I don’t know. Whatever explosion it was that trapped you threw me away from Kyungsoo. I don’t know where they are…or if anyone else is alive.”

“Don’t say that-”

“Baekhyun!? June!? Are you guys still here!? Hello?”

“This is the last place I saw them; they have to be around here.”

Kyungsoo and Jongin’s voices call out to us, and -doing the most logical thing- I immediately start screaming incoherently. They aren’t any actually words, but I’m so happy to hear their voices it doesn’t matter. Their footsteps are muffled beneath the loud explosions and shots getting even closer to our location. We need to get the fuck _out_.

I see Jongin first and catch his horrified expression as he sees Baekhyun. He cringes and turns around to wave Kyungsoo over. “What happened!?”

“No time. You grab Baekhyun and take him to Kris,” Kyungsoo instructs. Jongin nods and scoops up the shorter male who grunts in agitation.

“What about her?” Baekhyun asks.

Kyungsoo grabs my wrist again and smiles apologetically. “I’ll take care of her.” His face hardens as he squints around us. “We’ll meet you there,” he says to the two. Jongin looks over towards the pile of rocks that had fallen and then sets his lips in a line when he looks at me. His eyes are solemn, but he nods once more and vanishes right in front of us - Baekhyun taken with him.

Kyungsoo drags me away and I stumble behind him. “Keep your head down. It’s a fucking mess out there and if you get recognized…” his words drift off but the meaning hangs between us.

I’ll be killed.

I gulp and lower my eyes, following the ground as I’m blindly led out of the castle into the screaming and chaotic outside world. Red stains the ground. Bodies littered haphazardly. Craters decorate the earth as the result of magical blasts and attacks. A group of people run passed and bump into us. I stiffen at the contact. “We’re almost there, don’t worry,” he whispers once we’re in the safety of the forest surrounding the castle.

The chaos becomes more distant as we walk deeper into the forest and away from civilization. I lift my eyes from the ground to see the sky painted blood orange.

It should be around 3am.

Kyungsoo’s hand is removed from my skin as he crouches to the ground and brushes away the dirt and leaves covering a hidden door. He pulls it open and steps back. “You go down first. Don’t worry, it’s safe.”

“How did you know-”

“Kris is waiting down there. We got here before Jongin and I came back for you and Baekhyun,” he explains quietly. “There’s a car. It’ll take us to a secret hide out. He didn’t explain much, but if we can just get to that car…we’ll be alright.”

I blink owlishly at the dark hole leading underground. Just…get to the car and we’ll be alright? I can’t say that I believe in that.

But if it’ll get me away from all of…this…then I don’t need to be told twice.

I smile uneasily at Kyungsoo, who weakly tries to smile back, and begin crawling down the hole. Blackness surrounds me as I descend the eerily long ladder, and the only reassurance I have that I’ll come out alive is the fact that I can faintly see the light above me. Kyungsoo still hasn’t started climbing down yet, so I focus my mind on the thought of getting my feet on solid ground once more. Soon enough the light disappears as the Charmer who led me here climbs in and begins his own descent. It gets colder the longer I climb; maybe it’s for the best that I can’t see how far down I’m going.

Minutes, maybe even an hour passes of plunging into darkness, surrounded by nothing but the sounds of hands touching the cold metal of the ladder and the creaks of the obviously aged material. “You’re almost at the bottom,” Kyungsoo’s voice bounces off the walls, coming from nowhere and everywhere, and I grip the bar tighter. The sudden sound of his low voice nearly scared the shit out of me and made me fall. “Just wait for me when you reach it.”

I count it, 3 more ladder rungs before my feet are on what appears to be flat ground. I let go and shakily take a step to the side just so that I’m out of the way enough for Kyungsoo to step down himself. I can’t see where he is at all and my hearing feels distorted as well. If I had even a bit of light as reference then maybe I’d be able to adjust to the darkness, but it’s dark as _shit_. I hear him drop to the ground beside me. “June?”

“Right here,” I whisper even though we’re the only ones here. Hands wrap around my wrist and I feel my way to his shoulders.

“Follow me,” he murmurs softly. I grab tighter onto the material of his shirt and let him lead the way through the pitch black tunnel. I have no way to know if we’re going the right way so I guess I have to trust him.

Doesn’t mean I’m not going to do it silently though. “Do you know where we’re going?”

He laughs breathily, nervously. “No. I’m just feeling the ground and hoping it leads to an exit.”

I gasp and swat at his shoulder. “So we’re lost underground?”

“Better than being stuck above ground I think,” he says with a sarcastic hint to his voice. When did he get so fucking sarcastic? I flick the closest thing I can feel, which happens to be his ear, and he groans in pain before we fall back into silence.

I lose track of how long we walk after getting distracted by the sounds of our footsteps and breathing in the tunnel. Every now and then a sound that I can’t identify will reach our ears, but otherwise, it’s eerily quiet.

“Kyungsoo…” my voice is as quiet as I can get it in fear of starting some king of underground earth slide. “…is everyone okay?” the question has been sitting in the back of my mind since that explosion that injured Baekhyun and me. I was afraid to ask in fear of getting an answer that I wouldn’t like. Are they all safe? Is everyone in one piece? Are any of them even mentally okay?

“Are you?” he counters. The question cuts through the growing worry.

_No._ That’s the first thing that comes to mind. I’m not okay. I don’t think I will be until I get the chance to see all of the boys and know they aren’t…dead. To sit down and know that the world isn’t ending. The potential answer bounces around in my thoughts, but it feels wrong.

The adrenaline from earlier is wearing off and it’s getting harder to ignore the aches and sharp pain in the various parts of my body. I’m injured…want to cry…and feel like dying would be better than walking aimlessly in this tunnel any longer, but…“I’m fine.”

He hums. “Then I’m sure they are too.” I wish he would convey more emotion in his voice. It’s hard to fucking tell whether he was stating a fact or just saying it to console me. “Oh…” I stumble into his back when his movement suddenly stops. “Something’s coming…I think it’s a car?”

“Why the hell would a car be down here- holy shit, are those headlights?”

“Told you so,” he lifts his hand to cover his eyes as the lights get closer. The sound of an engine is unmistakable. Oh my god what if it’s someone here to kill us? What if someone followed us down and is here to take us back to the surface!? “Should we be hiding?” seems like he’s thinking the same.

The car stops a good distance away, but I can’t tell who the person getting out is. Not with the headlights still on full blast and my eyes burning at the sudden visual stimulus. But it feels familiar. Something about this feels familiar. “No…that’s…” I squint at the blurry figure as if I’ll suddenly be able to make them out, but I don’t need to see them. That person…“That’s Luhan!”

 “June? Kyungsoo! Oh shit- sorry!” he leans back into the car to turn the lights down before running up to us. Both of us are squished in his arms as he hugs us desperately. “Thank god you made it down safely. I was so fucking worried; I can’t fucking believe you both walked this far why didn’t you just-”

“Luhan…” I cut in. He pulls back enough for Kyungsoo and I to shrug our way out of his grip. “What’s going on?”

His smile is fake as shit when he responds. “I’ll answer everything later. Right now, we need to get you both to the safe house.” I grunt and try to take my first step to the car, but nearly collapse right there. Kyungsoo reaches out and catches my forearm while Luhan makes a noise akin to a scream and a gasp.

“It- I’m fine. It’s just my leg,” I supply weakly. Luhan looks unconvinced; Kyungsoo loops my arm over his shoulder. “Lead the way Luhan.”

It takes a solid 5 seconds of nearly glaring at each other before he turns around to get in the front seat of the car. Kyungsoo helps me hop to the backseat of the car and climbs in behind me. “You’re both okay now. Get some rest, it’ll be a while before we arrive.”

Luhan turns up the heat to stop our shivering, and Kyungsoo grabs my hand. For the first time since I was turned, I finally feel warm.


	2. Chapter 2

By now, you’d think I’d be accustomed to waking up in places I’ve never been before. At this point, falling asleep nearly _guarantees_ a 50/50 chance of waking up in a different spot than I went to sleep in.

I should be used to it…and yet waking up _not_ in the car next to Kyungsoo makes me panic just as heavily as the first time I woke up in an unknown bed.

The time I woke in Kris’s house after running from the orphanage.

 _Relax. Breathe. Take in your surroundings_. That’s right. There’s no need to freak out; I was probably moved here after we arrived.

Small room. Small bed. Feels like a bunker. A bunker what the _fuck_? Sitting up too fast almost ends up with me knocking myself the fuck back out, only narrowly missing low upper section of the bed when I realize how low it is. It’s like…a big box cut in half. A coffin cut in half…

Fuck. Where is this? Unsurprisingly, my clothes are different. A dark grey jumpsuit that matches the interior of the empty room. I run my hands across the material; it feels suspiciously similar to the purple ones the guards in the palace wear…to the uniforms they _wore_. Thick with padding but lightweight so that movement is easy. It’s a simple jacket and pair of pants – a peek below the jacket reveals a white tank.

I feel like a soldier.

I don’t know who undressed me, but if it was one of the boys…they’re getting a little too comfortable stripping me of my fucking clothes. This is like the _third_ time I’ve woken in a new outfit. I’m not a fucking doll.

Grunting in dissatisfaction I glance to my side. A pair of sneakers wait at bottom of the bed. Am I supposed to put those on? My attention is pulled to the door of the room at the sound of commotion behind it. Is it okay for me to leave this room? Is this a safe area? Is Kyungsoo okay? Is Luhan alright? Where in the god damned _fuck_ am I!?

Maybe I should put on the shoes and then I can figure out if it’s okay to go outside. Lacing up the shoes and then pacing around the room in a stressful silence only aids in making me feel more trapped and suffocated.

Look around the room. Find a weapon… _just in case_. My eyes scan the jail-cell-like room and I only find what seem to be cubicles, but that’s about it. There isn’t much outside of the bed and the cubicle spaces above and below it. More clothes like the ones I have one, a pair of heavy black boots, food rations and survival equipment are laid out with military precision inside some of the spaces.

But no weapon. Wait, why would I even need a weapon? I have powers now. I could use my powers.

I freeze in the middle of the dusty room and look forward in realization. I have powers now…and I used them by accident to help Baekhyun. My hands shake as I lift them up to my face. These things can control magic. Plant magic it seems. _Vines_.

“Wow…” this is all…really happening. I know what my power is, but my dumbass still has no idea how to use it. A shaky breath, and then I turn to the door.  I need to find the guys. I’m confused, lost, and worried. This can’t be a jail cell if I was given clothes and food. I should be able to go outside. If I die…well…

That’s something I’ll have to deal with when it comes. The door is completely bare outside of the silver handle and a lock. There’s no window to look out of – well there are no windows in here at all. God, is this a fucking silver death box or what?

The door soundlessly opens outward to a huge open space. Tiptoeing farther away from my room, I find that I’m on what appears to be the second floor of some…storeroom. Is this some refurbished warehouse? How fucking cliché and creepy.

Other doors like my own (more rooms probably) line the walls of this floor and a simple set of metallic stairs leads down to what must be the ground level. The ceiling of this unknown place is shaped like a dome. This design gives a clear view all of the doors around and to the ground level below; a circular inward stretching balcony makes it so that from this floor I can walk over to a railing and see a good amount of what waits directly below. No one seems to be walking around on this floor, so I make my way to the rail to do just that, look below. The only clear thing I can make out is a glowing apparatus with various figures and screens, everything appearing at random intervals only to move around and then vanish once again.

It’s too far away to be able to make out any of the words or images, but I can see some people standing around it talking lowly.

I strain my ears to make out any of the words and squint to get a better view of the people through the shadows the moving lights of the glowing…thing casts on their faces, but it’s all in vain. They’re talking too quietly and they’re huddle close together making it difficult to distinguish faces in this shitty lighting. If only I could get a little closer- “June!” a yelp slips from my lips as I’m scared _shitless_ at being caught attempting to eavesdrop.  The sound of my name sets all of my nerves on edge and my defenses go up immediately. Maybe it’s because I felt so scared that I wasn’t able to immediately distinguish the voice.

Swept into arms, my feet lose contact with the ground. As soon as my senses return (and the embrace is over) I feel my eyes widen in relief and happiness. “Junmyeon?” something overtakes me and I can’t resist the urge to reach back out and hug him back, tighter and longer than he had before. The embrace becomes more of a personal attempt not to cry than anything else. Seeing him, feeling him, makes all of the worry I’d managed to forget come rushing back and forces forward tears that weren’t there before.

He squeezes back and even giggles into my hair. The sound makes me feel a little less horrible. “I was just coming to check on you. Had to make sure you were still breathing, but it seems you’re fine,” he says. His voice is scratchy as if he’s just woken up, or been talking nonstop for hours.

Pulling away I wipe at my eyes and put on a small smile. “Isn’t that Yixing’s job?”

His face shifts into an awkward smile as his rubs at his shoulder, “Usually yes. But…right now he’s busy tending to some of the…worse off.”

My throat dries immediately. Worse off? Like Baekhyun? How many of them are that badly hurt? How many may be hurt _worse_ than him? “Is…is everyone okay?”

“I don’t-” he licks his lips and places a hand on my shoulder. “That’s not my place to answer…not right now at least.”

“Why not? It’s one question. Junmyeon I have to know if they’re oka-”

“Just wait a little longer, okay? I think Kris is going to talk to all of us soon. We all have questions we need him to answer, and I don’t want to say anything that I’m not 100% positive about. Do you…understand what I’m saying?” what the fuck is going on? He’s not sure that all of the guys are okay? My stomach knots in dread.

What if someone…died.

Would I be able to know? With the bond? If it was one of the guys I bonded with? Junmyeon’s hand squeezes my shoulder and knocks me out of my private thoughts. “Are you hungry? You’ve been out for hours.”

No shocking.

I’m not hungry; in fact, I’d rather throw up than have food going inside of me right now, but despite myself I nod and let him lead me to one of the doors that I assumed was a room. Turns out it’s a fucking staircase to the kitchen. It feels like we descend 2 floors, and the sudden chill confirms the idea that maybe we’ve gone underground. A thought pops into my head so I reach out to stop Junmyeon before he can open the door to the kitchen. I frown as I look at him. “How did you get out?”

He tilts his head to the side and pouts ever so slightly. “What do you mean?”

“You weren’t…you weren’t in the room with the rest of us when everything you know _happened_. I just…how’d you know where to go? How’d you get here? Where were you when everyone was in my room?”

“Oh…that…” he exhales heavily before looking up the staircase and answering, avoiding my eyes. “Luhan came to the Charmer hall when Kris went for you all. He helped most of us escape – he helped as many of us as he could, and I tried to help him. We- it was a mess I don’t even remember how I got here exactly. I just remember trying to get the younger boys to safety as quick as possible.”

“I’m glad you made it out fine. I was so worried,” I find myself whispering the words and holding back a fresh wave of tears. Why am I crying so often?

He smiles genuinely and cheeks somehow still shine in the dull lighting. “I’m sorry I made you so worried.” He nods towards the door. “Let’s get you some food. We can’t have you passing out… _again_.”

“Shut _up_!”

“It’s just a fact. It feels like a third of the time I’ve know you you’ve been passed out,” he laughs.

I don’t even know whether I can argue with him about it because I’m pretty sure he’s fucking right, but that doesn’t mean he gets to _say so_. Shoving him through the door he laughs louder while I follow behind trying to hide my own amusement behind feigned offense.

“Oh-” Junmyeon’s laugh fades when he sees the figure rummaging through the fridge. I step from behind him to get a better view and my breath catches in my throat.

Jongin turns around in fright at the sound of us entering. It seems as soon as he sees me he jumps and drops all of the shit in his hands. I bet he’s still afraid of me. He has to be. I would hate me if I was him. I feel like shit every time I see him – the memory of hitting him in the dungeon of the castle always comes back and knocks the wind out of me. It feels like my stomach shrivels up in shame while my memory replays the scene over and over again to remind me of my deed.

My own personal torture.

His mouth hangs ajar as he stands there glued to his spot. I should say something. I have to say something, I should apologize or something. I open to mouth, ready for any words to come out as long as they’re something that will express how fucking _sorry_ I am.

But I don’t get the chance. He vanishes from his spot and reappears directly in front of me, arms pulling me flush against his body in the tightest embrace he can probably manage. His cheek rests atop my head, and the most shuddering breath escapes from his mouth. A breath that shakes his frame and crushes my _fucking_ heart because I know that this means he forgives me. That I didn’t need to say anything and he was already ready to accept me despite that.

I don’t feel worthy of his forgiveness.

I still need to say something. Something so that this guilt isn’t so suffocating. “I’m sorry I left you,” he whispers.

“You had to take Baekhyun. I’m fine. You don’t- its- I’m sorry too. I’m sorry I hit you, I really am. I can’t apologize enough,” I ramble honestly. He tightens his grip and the guilt chips away ever so slightly.

A throat clears, “Do you two need a minute?” Pulling away we can see Junmyeon motioning towards the door with his thumb. “I can leave if you do…”

“No, no. I don’t want you to leave. Can- can we eat? My head hurts, maybe I do need food.” I put a hand on my head for emphasis. Junmyeon smiles, nods, and makes his way to the fridge to pick up the things Jongin haphazardly dropped. While he rummages around the kitchen I sit at the large table next to Jongin, his hand encasing mine and not making any sign of letting go.

The longer I watch him, the clearer it becomes that Junmyeon isn’t used to cooking. I wonder if he’s actually even made a meal in his life. He’s been staring at a packet of what looks like noodles for a suspiciously long time as if he can’t read what the directions say. I watch skeptically and glance over at Jongin to find him narrowing his eyes distrustfully at the boiling pot of water in front of the older Charmer.  

At least I know he’ll be okay with the water. If not…we’ve got a big problem. I snort at Jongin and try to pull his attention to me so that he won’t freak out watching Junmyeon fumble around the kitchen. “You do know that I’m extremely sorry, right? For what happened in the dungeon?” I ask softly. Afraid for some reason to hear his answer.

“I know. I believe you.”

“But aren’t you mad at me? Or upset or something? What I did was way out of line I should never do something like that I-”

He smiles and holds a hand up to cut me off. “I’m not. I know that it was just…the Seven talking and you didn’t mean to. Stop worrying about me; I’m more concerned with how you’re doing. With the Seven and everything…”

“I…” I furrow my brows and look down at our hands. “I don’t know.”

“You seem _better_. I mean…the fact that you’re sorry for what you did even though I’m okay says a lot. Maybe all of your bonds helped it go away…”

I grimace at the mention of the bonds. “Jongin I...I don’t want to be bonded to you all. I don’t know if they helped, I don't even really  _care_ , but I know that it’s…it’s not…I don’t know. I just…do you know if there’s a way to get rid of them?” the question feels bitter on my tongue. It hurts to ask, but it’s true that I don’t want them. I feel burdened. I feel violated almost. I feel like they’ve been tricked into liking me and it’s not fair to any of them as much as it isn't to me.

Jongin's face falls. “Oh…uh well. If you want I can ask Yixing…” dejection. Hurt. A hint of hidden betrayal.

I feel like shit at the tone of his voice and the expression on his face. He was never the best as masking his emotions. “Dinner is served!” two bowls are put in front of us as Junmyeon, thankfully, interrupts our conversation.

Instant ramen. A safe bet considering the lack of confidence he had behind the counter. I smile at Junmyeon and slip my hand from Jongin’s so that I can grab my chopsticks and focus on eating instead of the empty feeling in my chest.

Silence engulfs the three of us as Junmyeon looks between us in confusion. I’m sure he’s wondering what happened in the five minutes he spent cooking, but is too courteous to intrude at the moment. I don't know if I can even really explain it to him...

I lift the noodles to my mouth and blow on them to cool the down.

Then the door opens and a terrifyingly familiar face appears. My chopsticks fall from my hand to the table with a messy _clack_. Jongin looks from my hand to the doorway, and I see the exact moments that he goes from fright, to surprise, to disbelief and horror. He stands up in a rush and accidentally flips his bowl in the process. The scalding liquid lands all over my hand, but I don’t react even as it burns into my skin.

I can’t. I feel frozen to my seat. _This can’t be happening_. _This isn’t real_.

Sleepy eyed, and yawning. _He_ walks casually into the kitchen only to stop and stare at us in slight surprise. I stare in horror and shake in fear as I whisper out the name of one of the people I never hoped to see again, “… _Taemin_.” 


	3. Chapter 3

Jongin jumps forward fast enough for him to potentially have teleported in the process just to get there faster. His fist flies out and hits Taemin square in the jaw.

Everything happens too fast to catch it all. Curses are thrown out, blood falling to the ground. Somone says ‘stop’. Someone else screams.

Actually, I think it’s me.

Fist connecting with flesh as hard punches are thrown, and curses are tossed out to accompany them. Junmyeon runs to try and pull Jongin away, but he’s too far gone to pay Junmyeon any mind. Tears fall from his eyes in fat drops as he angrily attacks the mind reader…his friend. Taemin.

More people burst into the room, I can’t make out any faces, names, voices. All I can see is _Taemin_.

Taemin who helped torture me.

Taemin who broke me.

Taemin who Jongin supposedly watched die.

The surroundings change; I’ve been pulled out of the room. Someone is still screaming. Jongin is pulled out behind me, thrashing in Junmyeon’s arms, fist’s split and covered in blood. A mix of Taemin’s and his own most likely. His chest is heaving, eyes red and swollen, still dripping tears, teeth bared in unrestrained anger. “Who the fuck are you?! Who’s this fucking fraud!?” Jongin’s voice cracks but the intention and rage aren’t lost. His curses are sharp despite how rarely I’ve heard him use them.

Kris steps between us, the screaming stops.

My throat begins to hurt.

“Jongin! Jongin! Stop it’s Taemin. It’s _Taemin_.” Kris’s voice booms over Jongin’s frantic words, but the younger doesn’t seem to hear. Doesn’t seem to care. He thrashes harder against Junmyeon who has a surprisingly strong grip on the taller. Kris turns to me and looks entirely…desperate. “Can you snap him out of this? Can you get him to listen?”

Me? Get him to listen? I _wouldn’t_ even I could. “What the fuck is he doing here?! He- he kidnapped me! He _tortured me_. Why is he here!?” Jongin’s thrashing, the blood, memories of the visions, all of it suffocates me. Makes it too hard to think. Too hard to breathe, too hard to hear. I need to get out. Get away from here. I need space to _breathe_.

Arms. People are grabbing me. Who’s grabbing me, why won’t they let me go? I strain my neck trying to see faces, and the blood drains from my own.

 _Jinki_. _Minho_. The names come back to me as clear as if they were never erased.

I start screaming again. Trying to get out of their grip. Trying to get away. Frustration and fear brings forward hot tears and erratic breathing that I can’t control.

A nightmare. _This is a nightmare_. It has to be.

Has to be. This is a fucking nightmare and I can’t fucking handle this. I can’t _handle_ this. It’s all a hallucination, isn’t it? Nothing has been real since I was kidnapped. I never left their sight.

Arms leave and I fall the ground only to be held down as something sharp is pushed into my arm. Black swallows my vision and takes away my voice. I fall into darkness still crying.

Dreams don’t come to me. I don’t think I really expected any. Maybe it’s for the best that they stayed away, I’m sure it wouldn’t have been anything good.

I wake up in bed, the small bunker bed, with Jongin lying knocked out beside me. It takes a moment to call upon the memories of what occurred before I was sucked into darkness, but when they do they come back with the speed of a jet.

 _Taemin. Jinki. Minho_. Jongin fighting, bleeding, yelling. My own screaming.

I sit up quickly and, my forgetful ass, hit my head directly against the top of the bunk. “Ugh…” I reach up and hold the side of my head in pain while uncomfortably hunched over to avoid a repeat offense. “God _dammit_ ,” I groan angrily at myself and hiss softly under my breath. A dumbass. Now I’m confused, anxious, afraid, and _hurt_. Nice going, idiot.

The hiss snaps Jongin awake and his sits up just as quickly as I did, only to whack himself in the head _just_ like I fucking did.

Usually, I would laugh, but it feels like I couldn’t get it to happen even if I wanted it to. He groans, caresses the side of his head identically to me, and hisses loudly. His pout is prominent as he squeezes his eyes closed. He opens one and squints in my direction. “Are you okay?”

Am _I_? I look at his hand, holding the side of his head, to see the beige bandage wrapped around his knuckles, and look at him sympathetically. I know he’s not much better off, why is his immediate reaction to ask about me?

“I feel like I keep asking this…but…what happened?”

He sighs and shifts so that he’s sitting at the edge of the bed and pulls the covers up to cover half of his face. “They sedated us,” he mumbles through the sheets. His eyes flicker back to mine after having gone to stare at nothing in the distance. “Yixing came in and injected you with something, and then he came over to me.” His words quiet and fade to a whisper as he returns his attention back to focusing on nothing. His eyes get faraway, this isn’t good.

I pull my body beside his and sit beside him. His head hangs dejectedly.  “What did…” he breathes out shakily “What did you mean when you said he…he kidnapped you? That couldn’t- that couldn’t have been…Taemin would _never_. That can’t be him. That _guy-_ that’s not Taemin he- I watched him die; that’s not _him_.” he sounds like he’s trying to convince himself more than me. His voice is distressed, in need of words that will assure him that it isn’t his friend. That they aren’t the same person.

I didn’t know the Taemin that Jongin knew, but…I know he is the same person. He’s changed yeah, but that Taemin, and this one, are the exact same man and I can’t tell Jongin otherwise.

Trying to convey words that I’m not sure how to say, I put my hand atop his. I don’t know how well I’ll be able to convey anything through the trembling of my own fingers. I know he needs comfort right now, but…it’s hard to do that when my own paralyzing fear keeps coming and going in heavy waves. Waves that I’m trying to hide and hold back. Waves of paranoia. Of pain. Of debilitating panic.

His hand slides from below mine slowly. _Maybe he doesn’t want to be consoled_ …

The warmth of his hand reappears, this time covering mine, and he squeezes softly. _I’m sorry I didn’t know. I’m here for you_. _I won’t let him hurt you ever again._

The words aren’t said aloud, but I feel them in my heart. In my chest and in my mind. Pulling my attention from the sheets our hands rest on, I look in his eyes for the first time since he asked me if I was okay.

Strong, he’s trying to be strong for me now, but I can see the fear, sadness, and weakness behind it all. _Afraid and needy_ …needy for what?

 _Kiss him_. But what will that do? It won’t fix any of this. Won’t make anything go away.

But it will help soothe him -no, _us_ \- even if it’s just for the tiniest moment.

The panic subsides at the thought of kissing him, just a peck. That’s all. Just the smallest touch of lips to pull us back to the ground after being so caught up in our own heads. Tentative closing of a distance that feels uncomfortably far away. Why were we so far away in the first place? When we know how much better it feels to be close?

A breath’s distance apart, and the door opens with a slam. Jongin jumps away with a horrified sound ripping from his throat. “Meeting time. Kris is going to explain,” Jongdae says evenly oblivious to what was going on seconds before. I see the exact moment that he notices that something is off. His eyebrows raise and the edges of lips quirk up even higher than usual.

Trying to reel in my wide-eyed expression, I glance at Jongin to catch his reddening face and desperate avoidance of Jongdae’s eyes. God, how can I try and pretend nothing was going on? “Okay, we’ll be right down.” I slide off the bed and stand up, pretending to stretch. Jongdae leans against the door-frame and cocks his head to the side, eyes focused in on Jongin who is, bless his heart, trying his damned hardest not to look suspicious.

“Am I…interrupting something?” he questions playfully.

 _No._ “Actually, yes,” I deadpan hoping to get him to stop snooping. Thankfully, being blunt works and he is stunned to silence. I turn around, “Let’s go.” Holding my hand out and waiting for Jongin to take it, I’m not sure who I’m doing this for anymore. Am I doing this for him? or is it more for me? Either way I know whatever we’re about to hear isn’t going to be fun.

Jongdae leads the way in an uncharacteristically silent walk while Jongin and I follow behind. Hands intertwined, more for support than in affection.

I thought I wanted to have this talk. I really thought I did, but I _don’t_. I don’t want to know why Kris is letting those… _guys_ stay here. I don’t want to know how Taemin managed to die and come back alive only to be an accomplice is my torture. I don’t know if I’m ready for someone to explain that the _fuck_ is going on, but I need to. I need to hear this in order to move forward.

Everyone who is uninjured seems to be standing and waiting for us around the glowing thing on the first floor. Kris, Luhan, Junmyeon, Yixing…and all _four_ of my attackers. I don’t even _try_ to hide the murderous glint in my expression when we reach the first floor and are made to stand in the same vicinity as them. My heart races in my chest. Anger, a general feeling of distrust, and betrayal combine to fill my vessels and bring forward unrestrained shaking.

“Jongin, June…” Luhan’s voice breaks through my focused anger long enough to pull my attention to the other Charmers in the room. I relax enough to realize how tight a grip both Jongin and I had on each other’s hands. Luhan looks just as confused as Yixing and Junmyeon. Kris just looks…tired.

He runs his hands down the length of his face and ends up linking his fingers behind his neck. He sighs, “I don’t know where to start…”

“Doesn’t know where to start,” Jongin mutters bitterly under his breath.

I glare at Kris. “Maybe at the fucking _beginning_? Like how the _fuck_ you all know each other, how Taemin _died_ , why they _tortured_ me, I don’t know?! Take your fucking pick Kris!”

Jongin squeezes my hand, and I inhale to calm myself down.  It doesn’t do much.

A sigh, and Kris starts, “Everyone this is Jinki, Jonghyun, Minho, and Taemin. They’re…we’re friends.” He stops to look directly at me. “And yes, they are the ones who kidnapped you.” Gasps erupt from everyone except him and the _perpetrators._ I clench my jaw and my fist in an attempt not to explode with rage. Kris looks away and goes on. “You see, this all started off as an operation much larger than it seems. Hundreds of groups across the kingdom have been working on a plan of attack for _years_. The plan at the very beginning, before you even came into the picture,” he looks at me one again, “was to put a human girl into the castle, have her gain the Queen’s trust, and then have her kill the Queen herself. Hopefully, allowing her to take the throne and restore equality. If it didn’t work that smoothly, then we would fight for the crown.”

He pauses and looks at each individual face, and even has the audacity to nod at Jinki as if in confirmation. “You didn’t tell me this…didn’t tell me _anything_ and just sent me in there assuming Solar was the bad guy? Hoping I’d just…fucking murder her? Getting myself killed in the process!?” my face feels hot “So Solar…her death was inevitable huh? Either it was going to be me or someone else? This must have made it all a lot easier since she was killed anyway.

“The whole time she _loved_ me and cared for me, and I could have been planning to _literally_ stab her in the back, and she wouldn’t have been the wiser. HOW _COULD_ YOU!?” the trembling returns full force.

“What the hell?” Luhan steps up to angrily rant next. “Why didn’t you mention anything about all of this to me? I _helped_ you send her in there, only for her to end up being tortured by the same people who were in on this whole thing with you? Did you _know_ about the kidnapping? Did you know they were going to do that to her-”

“No!” Kris holds up his hands and takes a step backwards away from the shorter male who hasn’t stopped taking purposeful steps in his direction. The muscles in the side of Luhan’s jaw flex as he glares Kris down. “I didn’t know they were going to do that to her. I promise I would have stopped them if I’d know it was going to happen.” His eyes are apologetic when they find mine. Heavy betrayal fills my body. “I knew they were watching, but I had no idea they’d take it that far, that they were the ones who did that to you. I didn’t know at the time, I swear.”

Jonghyun pops a hand into the air, all the attention in the room snaps to him. “Yeah, sorry. That was our bad.” He chimes in.

I want to _choke_ someone, I need to punch something, take out my anger on _something_. Kris groans in frustration at Jonghyun’s words. Jinki gives him a look and takes a small step in front of his group. He smiles, the fucking nerve of him, _shyly_ before explaining. “We really do apologize. We hadn’t heard from Kris in a while, and we didn’t know what the new plan was so we jumped the gun. We take complete responsibility for our mistake and the irreversible things we did to you. We had assumed that you’d gone rogue and we just…” he exhales and runs a hand through his hair. “It was irrational, but we really just wanted to change the way things were happening around us. People were dying. Her army was killing entire cities full of Charmers, and kidnapping hundreds of humans a day. I know you don’t want to believe us, but what we’re saying is true. All of our missions are the same. We’re on the same side.”

He finishes and a chill runs down my spine. All of the things they made me see, did to me, flash like a warning sign. I don’t want to hear this from them. Don’t want to believe them because they fucked me up. Messed with my mind and body in ways that I’ll never be able to forget. Never be able to un-live.

“The plan from before was what we were going to do before you came into the picture June. I couldn’t send you in there and make you do that, so I broke off from the original agreement. I would _never_ make you do anything like that; I hope you believe me. I was working on a new plan of action before I could get in contact with them to let them know what our next steps were going to be,” Kris’s words sound genuine to my ears, but I have difficulty believing in even him right now.

Taemin has been awfully quiet, and has resorted to hiding himself behind Minho and Jonghyun. His eye is blacked and bruises and open cuts decorate his face as clear signs of the, one-sided, fight that happened earlier. Giving Jongin a once over it’s clear that the other either got no hits in, or didn’t try to fight back at all. Beside his own self-inflicted injuries on his knuckles, Jongin is completely fine. His eyes haven’t moved from glaring intensely at Taemin since we walked into the room.

Empathy. I feel bad for the Charmer. I was there the night he thought his best friend had died, and here that same person seems to stand right in front of us. Perfectly fine. An accomplice in what crushed me and drove me away from most of my Charmers for _weeks._

I was there that night that Jongin came to my room confused, soaking wet, shaking and scared after witnessing something he said was the worst thing he’d ever had to experience.

He was there when I’d been left out in the woods, bleeding and near death. He watched me shut everyone out.

The thought tears my heart apart. How much he’s had to suffer at the hands of the other, both directly and indirectly, and he’s only now realizing it. We’ve both long been connected through the troubles brought on by Taemin.

“What about him,” I ask looking through the men to Taemin’s partially hidden figure. “Why is he alive if Jongin saw him…” the word feels sour and refused to leave my tongue, but everyone knows the implication.

Kris opens his mouth to start, but Jongin is quick to cut in. “No. I want to hear it from him.”

His voice is surprisingly even despite the controlled fury I can still sense through the bond (and through the grip he has on my hand).

Minho and Jonghyun look at each other as Taemin swallows and steps forward. “I didn’t die back there. Not really. I…I knew about the plans to kill the Queen and send a girl in. They wanted my help, so I had to get out somehow. I took the opportunity and…” he exhales heavily and looks at Jongin apologetically. “I made you and the guard think that I’d died. That he was actually killing me. And I left. I joined with these guys and you…you know the rest,” he finishes and takes a step backwards as Jongin steps forward. I pull him back lightly. Minho puts a hand on Taemin’s shoulder in comfort.

Silence engulfs the room as everyone lets the new information sink in. A throat clears, Junmyeon speaks up. “So, what’s the plan now?”

Kris’s eyes are back on me and I stiffen. “For us to fight. And for June to take the throne, but…it’s up to her.”

How fucking _thoughtful_ of him to give me an option of opting in or out. How fucking _nice_ is it that someone killed Solar so that I wouldn’t have to. How fucking _convenient_ for them. How easy did this make his life now that she’s dead? How much of what he’s said is just more lies? I have no way to know. Half of the room knew nothing about this, and the other half? I wouldn’t believe them even if they were the last _allies_ I had on the planet.

Everyone is staring at me now. I can’t think like this. My kidnappers, my friends. I thought the Gaia were the bad guys, but we’re just as awful as them. I was part of, what was intentionally, an attempted murder. I feel…lied to. Manipulated. Violated.

And most of all I feel…

Empty.

Empty because out of this whole thing all I’ve gotten is emotionally instability with these _stupid_ fucking bonds. The fucking Seven. And the loss of even more people that I loved. People that I love.

Each breath comes out shorter and shorter as I look at each face in the room. Luhan, apologetic. I can feel it, pinpoint exactly where the feeling is coming from now that I know what it is. Jongdae, wide-eyed and gaping in surprise at Kris. I know he had no idea all of this happened, was happening right around him. I _wish_ I’d been ignorant to all of this. Junmyeon looks as though he wants to console me. Step forward and give a hug or words of support, but I know he wouldn’t be able to find the right words to help. Yixing’s brows are furrowed as he looks at everyone around him, taking the time to silently fill in the blanks he’d had before. Figuring out the big picture of it all. It’s almost visible, seeing the pieces click into place. He blinks once before him mouth drops open and his eyes dart between Kris and I, confused as to which of us they want to focus on. Jongin, I can feel slight squeeze of his hand as thoughts of running jumps around in my thoughts. _Get out_. _Run_. _You need space_. _You need to leave_.

“Don’t,” Taemin’s voice is like a bucket of cold water on my consciousness. Oh yeah, he can hear my thoughts; however, hearing him only works to upset me more.

As if trying to prove a point, to myself, to him, to everyone, that my decisions are my own, I snatch my hand out of Jongin’s. Ignore the slight tinge of hurt I feel through the bond. Glaring at Kris and his…friends one last time, I run off.

As far as I can until I have enough air to breathe.


	4. Chapter 4

How far can you run until your problems disappear? How long can you scream until you no longer have the voice to answer? How much do you have to deal with until you can finally live your life easily?

How long can you walk until you leave your issues behind?

The answer turns out to be: not very.

I don’t get too far away from the warehouse. I don’t even leave for that long. It’s maybe only 3 or 4 hours that I sit in the forest alone, before I make up my mind to finally return. It took 20 minutes figuring out how to get out of the fucking place, and that was long enough for me to lose some, if not most, of my steam.

By the time I saw the trees outside, I was already ready to return. Tired and mentally exhausted from my dramatic escape.

But it’s the _principle_. If I’m going to run out, I’m going to stay out long enough to be dramatic. I walked for 5 minutes into the trees and just…sat. Fucking sat down and stared up at the evening sky.

I let the sounds from around me fill my senses as my mind shut off for just long enough to regain the energy to think up a plan. Kris’s words bounce around in my head as I look up at the leaves above me.

I get to choose what happens next. What do I want to do next? I want to…vanish to be honest. To forget everything that’s happened and live alone in the middle of nowhere. Far from the war, from the politics, far from everything that seems to be constantly weighing me down these days.

This would be the perfect excuse to finally leave. To finally run away once and for all, just like I wanted from the very beginning.

But it’s not that easy, is it?

I can’t do that. Not yet. Not with these…bonds that I’ve got with some of the guys. I’d always be able to her them, feel them there in the back of my consciousness. They’d be able to feel me too, and they would come find me.

I know that they would.

The hurt the separation would cause would always be there. It would be painful for everyone if I just up and left, even if me being here causes pain as well.

I need a plan. What will I do? What _can_ I do? I can’t just keep going along with what everyone tells me to do, not anymore. Following orders…that’s exactly what got me here. I have the chance to start _making_ decisions for myself and for others. But what right do I have, to make the plans? What experience and knowledge do I have that will guarantee that things will work out? What happens if everything goes up in _flames_ because of me?

What can I do?

Staring up in silence, the thoughts in my mind collide like ammunition against bodies in a war-zone. I want to help everyone, but it’s time to help myself as well.

So, what can I do?

Kyungsoo once said that Taemin was only able to read minds, but now he can conjure images and more. The thought is random, and for some reason feels immensely important. Taemin…Junmyeon…they have that in common. They both got better at their magic. We aren’t stronger than the Gaia. But we can’t just hide.

The next step is up to me.

The Gaia are stronger than us and would crush us if we tried to fight right now. We would all die and all of this would be in vain.

The next step is up to me…

Everything clicks, falls into place with a snap; I sit up with a start. I know what we can do.

Walking back to the warehouse, I feel energized. I know what’s next, and I know what _I_ want out of this. I repeat my stipulations and plan in my mind like a mantra as I march back the way I came. I can’t even focus on breathing, thinking so hard about my thoughts so that I won’t forget them.

It becomes obvious how long I was holding my breath when it all suddenly rushes out of me at the sight of Sehun standing lazily in front of the warehouse.

It’s fucked that my first thought is ‘ _hes alive!’_. He’s looking around, alert and attentive, but he doesn’t see me even as his eyes scan the area. It’s only when I jog out of the trees and the crunch of grass and sticks beneath my boots, catches on the wind, that he finds me. He looks over and a small smile starts on his face.

Breaking into a sprint, I collide into him and hug him harder than necessary, only to reassure myself that it’s really him. He broad fucking body feels like the safest blanket to my mind. He feels like home.

The grunt from my body colliding with his quickly turns into a hiss. Alarms go off in my mind.

Jumping back, I immediately search his body for injuries. That was the sound of my disturbing an injury. Gauze. How did I miss it? Bright white gauze peeks from out of his shirt as it wraps around his shoulder and all but covers his neck. What happened? How bad is his injury? My shaking hand reaches out to graze the material, but he grabs my hand in the air, before it can make contact. Shifting from the hidden injury to his face, my eyes widen in silent question.

He exhales through the lingering pain and smiles, twines his fingers with mine and lowers our linked hands to his stomach. Despite the injury on his left side, he lifts his arm and pulls me back in for a hug. Softer than the one I’d given seconds ago. Maybe he can feel the questions through the bond, or maybe he just knows me well enough at this point for me to not have to verbalize my concerns. But his voice is low and hoarse when he says, “It’s nothing now. I’m healing.”

Healing? Half wrapped in gauze and straining to give even a hug? I pull away and frown at his neck where the gauze stands out the most. “Shouldn’t you still be resting? Why are you out here? Go back to the infirmary!” it’s felt like a month since I saw him last, and the first thing I do I nag him? God, who am I?

“Go back? That’s not manly,” he quips. He smiles as if it’s a joke, but I know his stupid ass isn’t kidding. I don’t know what his issue is with not going to get checked up when he’s hurt or ill.

“You’re a dumbass, why are you out here?”

His thumb runs across the back of my hand in soothing motions that contrast with the roughness of both of our skin. “I heard about what happened before you ran off, so I volunteered to come out and wait for you. To be sure that you came back,” he admits weakly. His voice isn’t as lively as usual, and I know his injuries have worn him out. Even with Yixing here…there is only so much _he_ can do without wearing himself out. Then we’d all be at a loss.

“That’s really sweet of you Sehun, but you didn’t have to.” I look at the dull and seemingly small warehouse, freshly ignited with determination. “Everything is going to be fine.”

Sehun leads the way through the first door, and then pushes buttons and pulls some kind of lever along the back wall that makes the decoy first floor of the warehouse open up to an elevator that carries us down to the real heart of the hideout. A maze, that’s what this fucking place is, but it makes sense. If it’s found, they’d have a hell of a time trying to get to us.

As the machinery whirs and takes us below ground, I take in Sehun’s injures from my periphery. I would love to worry over him, but Sehun…he’s weird about showing his own vulnerability and weakness when he’s actually vulnerable and weak. Looking at him, I wonder how the others are faring in the infirmary.

Then again, just thinking about it makes my pulse race and sends me into fight or flight mode. The thought of hearing bad news makes me sick. Does Sehun sense the change in my mood, in my heartbeat? I can’t know for certain, but he squeezes my hand gently and then continues guiding me to the ground floor where the glowing apparatus is.

Luhan, Kyungsoo, and Junmyeon are sitting at a table near the middle of the room as I snatch my hands from Sehun’s and stomp towards them. Luhan notices and stands up to rush over first. His hands grip my shoulders as his eyes look over my slightly dirtied frame almost desperately. Making sure I’m not injured. I know the routine.

I attempt to give my best look of reassurance when his eyes finally settle on my face, but it’s hard to put it on over the anger I still feel. The anger that I thought I was over. _Let me explain_. The words are whispered in my mind and his voice is distinct. He wants to clear the air of any blame, but he doesn’t need to. I can feel it through the bond that he was clueless in the grand scheme of things.

The bond.

I shrug out of his grip and hear his hands fall heavily to his sides as I walk passed him. Kyungsoo who has finally woken back up after falling into what might as well be considered some kind of small coma, and Junmyeon who looks too afraid to approach me are standing now, a few feet away.

“Call everyone who is healthy enough to walk. I have some things that I need to say.”

They both blink and then walk off briskly to follow the order. I turn around to Sehun and Luhan who are frozen in their spots. “You too,” I say briefly. Turning my back on them, I force myself to the globular glowing _thing_ that is sitting here. It looks like a map of the kingdom. An interactive moving map.

My legs feel fucking weak after my orders. Can I really lead them if the time comes? Not if I feel sick after every time I give a command.

I keep my attention focused on the glowing map as bodies fill the room. Their chatter is hushed, but even-so, I can hear the questions of why everyone was summoned and why I’m standing so rigidly with my back to everyone.

I close my eyes and swallow the hesitation and fear in my chest. The next steps are up to me. I won’t follow anyone else’s commands anymore.

I make the plans now.

With a final exhale, I turn around and take a headcount. Sehun, Jongin, Tao has appeared, still battered and leaning on Junmyeon and Luhan for support. Kyungsoo, Jongdae, Baekhyun is sitting in a wheelchair, Kris and Yixing. The kidnappers are among the group, but Chanyeol and Minseok are nowhere to be seen.

I lick my lips to moisturize them before diving into the speech I prepared while in the woods under the evening sun. I face Kris first, “How many people do we have on our side?”

He blinks and stutters around his words at the sudden question, “Uhh, there is another base not far from here. We have at least a thousand people that I can get in immediate contact with who can reach others.”

“Charmers or Gaia?”

“It’s a mix of humans, Charmers, and Gaia across the Kingdom,” he answers. I nod and look around the room. “Assuming everything hasn’t changed in the hours I was gone, I still get to decide what happens next, correct?”  I ask rhetorically, and step forward so that I can pace in front of the group. “Logically…it only makes sense for us to fight. Unless we want to stay in hiding for the rest of our lives, which I know no one here wants to do, we have to fight for the crown before Moonbyul can take it herself. Even if we do hide, they can and will find us to kill us anyway. Everything is a shitstorm out there right now, and I can’t even fathom how lost all of the citizens of the kingdom must feel. So, we have to be the ones to turn things around and make this a world that everyone can live in happily…contentedly.

“But…the thing is, nearly everyone here is weaker than the Gaia. In hand to hand…or magic to magic we’re at a severe disadvantage. Even any weapons that they have…will most likely be enough to kill us. It took us out when we were bombed at the capital. Politically? We’re also at a disadvantage. Moonbyul is out there and the Gaia will put their trust in her with me being here in hiding. She is their voice and they’re just as scared as everyone else even though they’re the majority. We have to take advantage of the chaos and rally who we can, but we aren’t strong enough as a group to show we have the weight to go with our words. How will they know that we can protect them? They don’t, unless we show them. So we have to train.

“We have to get better at using our magic and at fighting. So much so, that we overcompensate for how powerful the Gaia _naturally_ are. That’s why I propose the plan be: we fucking go out there and fucking fight as soon as we’re strong enough.” Eyes widen at my proposition, and others nod in agreement. I exhale once more and set my face. “But I have some stipulations before I help in leading this side of the war. On top of training, I want the bonds gone. Take them away. Find a way for me to break them so that we can all move on from this, and then when it’s all said and done…I want a new person to take the thrown. I want out when this is done. I’m leaving all of this behind once I help fix it… _if_ I can fix it.”

Jonghyun snorts at that. “Where do you think you can vanish after it’s all over? You’re a key component of this.” Kris punches him in the shoulder and I watch with a raised eyebrow as he whines dramatically.

Kris tentatively takes over where Jonghyun left off. “Do you really think….do you really _want_ to leave once it’s all over?” his gaze is soft, but I try not to waver. I avoid the eyes of all of the Charmers who would be affected. I don’t need to look at them to feel the pain and betrayal my words brought. It hurt for me to say it, but this is exactly why it has to be fucking broken. If I can get rid of the bonds, then all of the feelings will go away and I can vanish. I can leave so they can move on and find happier lives as free people.

I keep my face as guarded as possible. “Yes. As long as the bonds are taken away, then I want to and will disappear.” I risk a glance at the others and immediately regret having said the words and having looked over. Sehun is crying openly while Jongin no longer has the tears to shed, but the unfiltered sadness on his face says it all. Tao is open-mouthed at Luhan’s side. Luhan and Kyungsoo are stunned into what seems to just be shock. I even catch a twinge of something on Baekhyun’s face that betrays more pain than I’m used to seeing from him when it comes to things like this.

Kris seems reluctant to give a response after looking at the Charmers around him, but I know that he knows my cooperation hinges on this, and that my cooperation is the most important thing right now. Finally, he nods, turns to Yixing and then Junmyeon to tell them to find someone who can help. They are solemn when they nod. “Anything else?” Kris asks.

Shoving down my fear and sadness and the hallow feeling in my chest, I lift my chin and shake my head. “No…that’s all.”

“Alright. We’ll train, we’ll break the bonds, and we’ll find someone else to take the thrown so that you can leave. And then...we’ll fight. Just…lead the way,” Kris says with no emotion behind his words. It’s hard to tell what he feels at this plan, but I can’t dwell on it. Not while everyone is staring at me with a mix of emotions.

I look at Jinki, and he looks away quickly. “Get some rest fellas. We’ve got a lot of work to do starting tomorrow. I leave the room and go directly to my room, not talking to anyone else for the rest of the night.


	5. Chapter 5

“I’ve talked to Eugene and you’re set to visit her in 3 days. It was difficult getting her to agree, but once we explained who you are… she finally conceded,” Yixing says from his seat. I exhale and tap my nails on the metal table in front of me distractedly.

Eugene.

Eugene.

“June?” Yixing’s voice cuts into my listless thoughts. My fingers stop their drumming, and I lift my cheek from my fist. An attempt to give him my undivided attention. His hand reaches out to rest atop my splayed fingers and his face softens. “Are you… _sure_ you want to do this?”

 _No._ “Yes,” I find myself replying without hesitation. He tries to smile in understanding, but fails completely - looking more in pain than anything else. “Listen, Yixing…I…I don’t know for certain if this is something that I _want,_ but this is something I _need_ to do. None of us can function at full capacity if we’re connected like this.

“I’m not trying to be selfish. I’m doing this for all of us. If I get hurt, what are the chances that they’ll feel it, get distracted and get _killed_ in the middle of a battle? We don’t know what’s going to happen, don’t know how deep this runs, don’t know what things we can specifically feel from each other, and…that’s dangerous. I already know I don’t feel individual bonds as clearly as they can, so what if they die? Would I notice immediately? Or does it only work so that they can feel _my_ pain. I just…” I slide my hand from Yixing’s and place both over my face to hide my distress. “I just…” I can feel my voice starting to waver.

I can’t cry. Not anymore. I’m supposed to be leading. I’m supposed to be strong from now on. “Hey, hey, hey…” the sound of his chair scraping the ground echoes through the small side room. His body is warm as he encases me in a hug and rocks our bodies from side to side.

I can’t keep the tears in at that.

“Come on, let go to your room. Let’s go talk there, yeah? Is that a good idea?” I whimper pathetically and nod along, trying to hold in the sobs that want to escape.

Wobbling legs and Yixing’s steady hold on my upper body guide me to my room. He sits me on my bed and locks the door behind him before settling on the mattress beside me. “What’s going on? What are you thinking?”

A sob tumbles from my trembling lips and I messily wipe at my running nose and eyes with my palms. His arm pulls me into his side. The rhythmic feeling of his hand running up and down my shoulder is surprisingly soothing. _Is he using his magic on me_?

“Speak. You can’t keep all of this to yourself. It’s not going to help anyone if you’re always on the verge of a breakdown.”

“Jongin isn’t talking to me,” I whisper. I expect Yixing to jump in, to say ‘that’s all, really?’. To tell me not to let that bother me, but he doesn’t. He stays quiet and continues rubbing my arm. “I… I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal but… he refuses to talk to me. He won’t stay in the same room as me. If I walk in, he leaves. If I’m already there he will blatantly turn around and just leave. Everyone… it feels like since I dictated the plan no one knows how to act around me. Everyone acts strange, I feel like an outcast, and I don’t blame them for what they’re doing. I really don’t but…it’s…it hurts me too.

“I don’t know if they forgot…or if they’re doing it on purpose, but when they act like this to me…it hurts me too Yixing. I know- I’m aware of the fact that I sound desperate to get rid of the bonds, but I’m really doing it for them, and it feels so burdensome being the only one who seems to understand just how much the bonds will hurt us in the long run. I feel so alone,” I choke out a dry laugh and look at the bland ceiling above us. “I feel like the villain in the house. I feel constantly on edge because… those fucking _guys_ are staying with us, and it’s not like I can just forget what they put me through. Every time I look at one of them, I feel the pain as clearly as if it’s just happened. I haven’t seen Minseok or Chanyeol and I’m worried about them. I can’t talk to anyone because everyone is training and worried about their own things. Every meeting I’ve had with Kris about plans moving forward have been awkward. I feel so out of place, and it’s my own fault.

“But I know I’m doing the right thing. I can feel it in my gut. I can’t explain it. It’s different than anything I’ve felt before. I’m just…I feel suffocated with my own issues and inability to talk to anyone while trying to seem like a strong leader.” I roll my eyes and swipe at them once again. I can’t look at Yixing, I don’t want to see his face, so I stare at the boots on my feet.

“You know...it’s fine to get this off your chest June. None of them can read your mind, you know? They don’t know how to handle this. This is new territory for _all_ of us. Do you think any of us have experience _fighting_? And the Charmers you’ve bonded to…they’ve got this to deal with as well. We thought bonds were supposed to be a good thing. It’s almost like you’re one with the person you’ve bonded to, and for boys who’ve been subject to constant pain for _years_ on end this was the first time I’m sure they’ve felt complete.

“I don’t want to be the one to tell you what to do, but I do think that you should talk this through with them. Tell them what you think. Listen to how they feel. If any of us are going to get through the next few months alive, we need better communication…as a group.” He huffs in agitation and rolls his eyes to himself. So, something’s bothering him too? “Anyway, being a leader isn’t just about making plans and appearing strong. It’s about knowing your weaknesses and not being afraid to show if it will help in the end. As for Jongin… I don’t know. He feels things deeply. Always has. Just give him some time; I think he just needs to get his own thoughts together.”

Yixing’s words weigh heavy on my shoulders, and yet feel like they’re lifting a ton of weight off my chest. I feel lighter after hearing him speak, after being given a chance to spew the worries that were suffocating me.

I laugh wryly to myself. “Awesome, I can’t even handle my own issues. How am I going to deal with _every else’s_?” Why isn’t Yixing in my place as leader? He’d do a way better job than my stupid ass is doing.

His laugh is soft when he turns my upper body to face his. “Don’t get any self-depreciating thoughts there. I’m no professional counselor, I was just used to hearing people’s troubles while in the infirmary. People tend to be more willing to let their vulnerability show when they’re already injured. You’re doing great. Just…talk to us. Everyone needs to be heard.”

“Even the bastards who kidnapped me?” I scowl.

He winces. “Uh…maybe not everyone.”

“Thanks Yixing…I really appreciate it. I feel way less alone now,” I admit with an exhale. He smiles brightly, the dimple in his cheeks pops and I smile at the sight. His leans forward to place a kiss on my forehead, my breath catches in my throat. When the heat of his lips is gone, his hand takes its place and brushes back some of the hair sticking to my forehead.

“No problem. I’m always here to listen if you need anything.” He smiles and stands from the edge of the bed. “I’ve got to go train with Luhan, but I’ll come check in on you when we’re done.”

I shake my head. I’ve seen how exhausted and beat up they all look after training. Everyone is still learning physical basics before moving on to magic. The only people holding their own is Tao and surprisingly Junmyeon. “I’ll be fine. I’ve got some things I need to do anyway. Rest up after,” I advise. He hesitates but hums in confirmation before slowly leaving the room – giving me a look before closing the door behind himself.

“Alright June…what are we doing?” I grumble to myself while looking around my small room. Training. Everyone is training and I have a session with Tao tomorrow morning. Since last week he doesn’t talk to me any more than he has to. No clinging. No banter. Nothing. It’s as if he and Sehun have found some common ground through avoiding me. I see them together more often than not.  

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that it hurt to see.

I’ll…I’ll talk to everyone individually before I visit Eugene. So I’m not making any decision without having heard them first.

But how can I hear everyone without Chanyeol and Minseok…

That’s it, I need to go see them. I haven’t checked in on them once. But then again, everyone has been trying to keep me away as if seeing them is going to send me into a state of shock. I’ve seen more than they even know. Whatever is awaiting in that room…it could never be any worse than my imagination.

Standing up with my exact destination in mind, I clench my fists and leave the room. The infirmary is underground with the kitchen and training center. The main room is empty, but alive with the sound of machinery whirring. I scan the room before descending to the ground floor.

The heavy metal door to the lower floors creaks loudly when it’s pulled open. I can hear the sounds of grunts, groans, and thumping from the training room as soon as I start walking down the metal stairs.

It feels like I’m sneaking around, even though I have full access to any room here. It still feels as though this is some secret I’m trying to keep. Why am I tiptoeing around?

By the time I reach the door to the infirmary, my heart is thudding in my chest. Fear of being found suspiciously creeping around, afraid of what I’m going to see, I don’t know what it is that’s got me so on edge – so scared.

I peek into the room and see a row of beds and monitors. No curtains separate the beds, but the healing stations are clean and organized. I can see Minseok and Chanyeol’s bodies in the back of the room, the lumps in the otherwise pristine beds give them away. My legs are wobbly as I amble over and flop in a rickety chair between the two of them.

Their faces are calm and the beeping of their heart monitors is a reassuring sound. I was expecting their faces to be gaunt and colorless, but if I didn’t know any better I’d just think that they were sleeping. Each of them is tucked tightly into the covers. I resist the urge to reach out and touch their faces to make sure that they’re real.

Instead, I grab the clipboard off Minseok’s bed to read it.

 _What the fuck_ …

I put his down and quickly grab Chanyeol’s to read some of the same conditions. 3rd degree burns, crushed bones, internal bleeding, concussion, rib fractures. They received the brunt of the explosion…but they look fine in front of me. My hands shake as I read over their charts and imagine how bad they must have looked coming in. How much work Yixing must have put in to get them to this point.

I know he can speed up the body’s natural healing process so how many bones did he have to set? How much skin did he have to remove so that he could grow it back? Nausea rushes through me.

“I’m so sorry…” I whisper to the boys beside me. Their calm faces…their injured bodies healed through tireless hours on Yixing’s part. The trouble I’ve caused for everyone. “I’m so…so sorry, Minseok…Chanyeol. Please wake up soon. _Please_.” I whimper to their unconscious bodies and let my tears fall heavily on the material of my pants. I clutch tightly at my thighs to hold in the sounds of my aching sobs.

As soon as they wake up they’ll have to catch up to everyone else in training. There’s no more time for them to recuperate once they’re awake and that makes my chest ache. We’re in the middle of a war. I can’t handle losing any of them in battle, so they have to learn to fight too.

Minseok…Chanyeol get better. We need you both at full health as soon as possible.

Wiping at my face I stand from my seat and look down at their faces. I can’t shrug off the feeling of being fully responsible for all of this. “I’m sorry,” I murmur once more. After placing a shaky kiss on each of their cheeks, I force myself to leave the room. 

* * *

 

“The physical training is coming along nicely, we should be able to start on to magic defense in 2 days. Junmyeon, are you fine with leading that?”

“I’ll do what I can.”

“Anything is better than nothing,” Kris says supportively. Junmyeon nods and frowns at the papers sitting between the three of us.

Awkward silence engulfs us and I can’t help but roll my eyes. Yixing was right.

We fucking _suck_ at communicating as a team. “I have something I need to say,” I start. The two of them startle in their seats and share a look before feigning normalcy and waiting for me to continue. I huff in frustration. “There’s no trust between us. Any of us.”

Junmyeon snorts to himself. “Big surprise there huh?” he grumbles.

I roll my eyes at his comment and look at Kris. “You lied to us. To all of us and it hurt, not just me, but a lot of us in more ways than I can even begin to explain Kris. I don’t feel like I can follow you into battle after what you did.” He hangs his head and focuses on looking at his linked fingers. “But I’m not saying I don’t understand why you did it,” I add softly. His head lifts, widened eyes unblinking. “Look…I don’t hate you Kris. I don’t think I ever could after all you’ve done for me. I just want you to know that the fact that you hid so much from us makes it hard for me to believe anything else that you say.”

“I promise I’ve told you all everything, I-”

“I know…” I cut him off and smile sadly. “I believe you. I do. It’s just going to take some time to trust you again.” I pick at my cuticle and sigh. “The same goes for me. I know you all are uncomfortable around me now. No one trusts my decision-making skills and that’s my fault. I haven’t been communicating why I’m doing what I’m doing and so everyone feels like I’m making selfish decisions.

“I promise that I’m not. I’m going to talk to all of the guys about the bonds before seeing Eugene about removing them. I’m also going to start talking out my thoughts with everyone. I don’t want anyone to feel unheard. We have to work as a team in order to survive this right? Not communicating is what gets people hurt.” I smile dejectedly. Junmyeon looks apologetic. “I’m sorry for not offering anyone a chance to give their thoughts.”

“It’s not just your fault. We could have come to talk to you if we had issues…I guess everyone is just afraid of sharing their opinion. We’re not used to…having the right you know? Life in the castle was more suffer-in-silence than putting suggestions in the suggestion box,” Junmyeon jokes lightly. Kris snorts out a laugh and Junmyeon perks up at the response.

I nod in understanding and open my hands up on the table. “Okay then let’s start now. Clean slate fellas. We’re all on _equal_ ground from here on out. No one makes any decisions without consulting the group. Ideas. Thoughts. Issues or concerns about our current plan of action?”

Junmyeon picks up one of the papers, “Actually yes. I think that we need to have some new mode of talking out in the field. We can’t be overheard speaking outright while we’re out there.”

“What do you suggest we do then?” Kris asks.

Junmyeon bites his lip. “We should learn new languages.” New languages? Like the ones mentioned in that book from long ago before the cleansing? “Hear me out. It wouldn’t be that hard. We only need to learn a few key phrases and we can work on it between training sessions.”

“I think it’s a good idea,” I chime in. “It sounds kind of…fun too. I don’t know. It would be a good way to take a break from fighting, and those who may not be strong at fighting could be better at this and be our lead communicators. It would really help if we’re ever stuck or need to share important information, but are in fear of being bugged.”

Kris nods slowly and holds his hand up to his mouth. “Alright. We can do that. Junmyeon do you have any languages in mind?”

“Yes, the three that our language is most heavily influenced by - Chinese, English, and Korean. They’d be the easiest to understand with our knowledge of our own language.” Junmyeon’s eyes are bright as he explains the idea.

I smile to myself. This is the first time he’s looked so excited in _weeks_.

“I also have a concern,” I speak up again. “I want those guys _gone_. The ones involved in torturing me. I can’t comfortably live here under the same room as them. I don’t care how close you are to them. I’m not ready to listen to anything they have to say.”

He scratches the back of his neck and grunts. “I understand that. I’ll talk to Jinki and have them go to a separate safehouse…June I really am sorry about all of that I had no idea they would do anything like-”

“It’s done with,” I interrupt. “Just get them out…please.” He nods fervently.

“I have one condition though,” he says evenly. “You have to rethink your whole…’I’m leaving when it’s all over’ thing. I get that you want to run away, but if you really are trying to think about all of us, you should reconsider. Do you really think that…if we all survive…or even if only _some_ of us survive…everyone would just be fine with you vanishing? Everyone here cares about you more than you know.

“How do you think you would feel of one of use said we were abandoning the group once the war is over? After everything we’ve all gone through, do you think you’d be able to just accept that?” I frown and feel guilt deep in my chest.

“No…I wouldn’t,” I admit.

“Exactly. You’ve got to understand there’s a reason behind everyone’s current behavior. Next time just…talk to us before claiming that you’re going to run away. We’ve lost you too many time you know?” he says patting me on the shoulder.

“I get it. I’ll talk to everyone before visiting Eugene. One-on-one so there’s no fear of speaking.” Kris smiles at my words. Finally, it feels like we’re on the same page.

Junmyeon stretches. “Well I’d say this was a productive meeting,” he smiles happily and I feel my stomach flip at the sight. _God_. Why is he so _pretty_?! I swallow and look away in fear of him catching the stupid nervousness on my face. “And since we’re all being honest, I’ve got something I need to say.” Kris and I listen in silence as Junmyeon coughs into his fist and his cheeks pinken. “June…I uh…I like you.”

My mouth opens in shock. Where did _that_ come from?


End file.
